Ah. Gotta tell you, Miss Faye, that I'm getting quite concerned
about your well being and all. You keep on talking about t.p.
issues. Now, I know that such an enterprising gal as yourself can
figure out what to do in case of emergency while you are indisposed.
In the woods, use a big leaf. In the house, get a cozy!
Doncha remember those wonderful t.p. cozies that were in every
bathroom decades ago? I remember the one my mama had, and the one my
grandma had, and the one my aunt had, and the ones at my friends'
houses. Why, they came in most any color! They were crocheted or
knitted and had a cute little plastic head on them. When the t.p.
was put under the cozy, why, the effect was just beautiful. It
looked like a full skirt that the southern belles would have worn
during Scarlet's reign. Doncha remember?
Doncha have one? If not, I'm hereby declaring a state of emergency
here in Fayette County! We must bring back the t.p. cozy so poor
Miss Faye doesn't have to scurry around under the bathroom cabinets
when she finds herself in need, again.
What color cozy do you fancy? I'm sure someone still knows how to
make those t.p. cozies around here.