Sunday, April 27, 2008

In-house Sightings

Good grief, Miss Etta. That alligator story - the one in the lake in
north Georgia. Do you ever again swim in a body of water where you
couldn't see the bottom? Just gave me shivers thinking about how close
you've come to alligators who are supposed to be able to move
surprisingly fast when chasing food. Best to run serpentine, I've
always heard, when trying to escape a hungry gator.

My husband's parents had a house down Florida-way where lizards are
known to hang out in droves. When some of his daddy's people from
Pennsylvania spent a week down at that house in Florida, they left a
note on the table saying how much they'd enjoyed their stay and
apologizing for letting the "alligator bug" get inside for a short
while. Alligator bug. Lizard. Get it?

Funny you mentioned this woman who spotted the alligator in her
kitchen. Can you imagine? I sure do hope she was wearing some kind of
shoes. Shoes with good traction for running away.

My grandmother was TERRIFIED of lizards. Living in the country, it
wasn't at all unusual for one of them to come right on in her house,
and when they did, they were treated to pans of hot, boiling water
being tossed in their direction. I have no idea how she came up with
this idea of The Only Sensible Way To Get Rid Of Lizards, but let me
tell you: that woman would drench everything - and i do mean
EVERYTHING - without regard for ruin or cleanup. Drapes, bedspreads,
clothes, furniture, television - nothing was scared when a lizard came
to call. I can still see her standing in the middle of the bed, the
room around her looking like a steam-tornado had come through there.

And I never felt closer to my grandmother than I did last week when I
went to hang up some clothes after taking them out of the dryer. As I
hung them on the clothes rack, out skipped a lizard. I dropped those
clothes and bolted, instinctively heading for the kitchen where I had
every intention of boiling water to toss around. Fortunately, our
laundry room is upstairs, and by the time I got downstairs to the
kitchen, good sense took over. (That and the realization that I'd just
have created a mess that I'd have to clean up once the aforementioned
trespasser was gone.) I opted to just avoid the laundry room the rest
of the day. That night, when I went in to finish fetching the laundry,
I made LOTS of noise to alert the little trespasser of my arrival. I
looked at the hanger-upper rack: no lizard, and I was greatly relieved.

Now why on earth I thought the trespasser would stay in one place is
beyond me, but, as they say, hindsight (or in this case, hindthink) is
20/20. When I went to fetch a clothes hanger, I ALMOST TOUCHED THE
TRESPASSER who was hanging out on the clothes hangers. Makes me shiver
just to think about how close I came to making contact. Sheesh. Called
hubbie, who came up promptly and caught the unwanted visitor then
relocated him to his native territory - outdoors - where I imagine he
is regaling other alligator bugs with tales of this crazy womankind
who he spooked so mightily.

Yep, I just don't have a thing for reptiles, be they at the zoo, live
and in person, or on jewelry, boots, or pocketbooks.

Sheesh.

Later girlfriends,
Miz Vul

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